Think outside the box

Help!  I'm trapped in a box and I can't get out.  I feel totally helpless in this dark place.  I'm going through the motions of routine and I can't break free.  I'm no Houdini - I can't figure a way out.  I have a little sign up in the lounge room reminding me to think outside the box.  But I 'just can't seem to break free from my box.

I'm feeling like a crazed jack-in-the-box.  If I do break free - I won't emerge as some beautiful enlightened free being, but as this wild crazed screaming woman that everyone will scatter from as quickly as humanly possible.

How do you change your life when people depend on you, and your income is totally committed to housing, food, etc etc.  Sell the house and downsize and live in a dodgy suburb, with a lengthy commute in the car as it's inaccessible by public transport? Take a lesser paid job, work fewer days and kiss goodbye dreams of travel and other things? Spend my days off work, reading and sewing and painting and writing and cooking and walking and dreaming.

I'm so exhausted, I can only manage one day at time, and that is spent hanging on to my day job. I buy more lotto tickets than ever before, hoping the universe smiles upon me and showers me with enough to quit work for time enough to re-group, think and focus.  And yet, am I totally defined by my work and my earning capacity?  Who am I when I'm not the Account Manager, with a stable of clients depending on me?  Does my income define me?  It shouldn't but does it?  Am I a lesser person, if I take a job making coffee?  Is that a waste of my talent?  Do I have any talent?  I'm just the same as everyone else....or not - other people seem to have found balance.  Why can't I?

I have dedicated a page in Pinterest to "'words to live by'' inspiring me to keep hold of my dreams, never give up on them and keep working towards them.  Think outside the box, break the box down. Throw caution to the wind. But I just feel like a robotic human in the mass of human race.  I tiny little ant marching to the beat of someone else's drum.  Unable to make a difference. I feel misaligned with the world at the same time.  I see beauty in so much and yet I see ugliness everywhere too. Ugly, aggressive human behaviour and it depresses me. Unkindness.  Why?

I feel opposed to what mainstream life has become - mortgages, degrees, job progression, debt.  Modern day life is exhausting.  How do you co-exist with it?  I want to strip right back, but am I brave enough?  I don't think so.  Trust and be brave I tell myself.  Have a plan to let in some cracks of light to this box I'm in. Start with a crack, stop building curtains that keep the outside out.  Grant me inspirational thinking.  Turn the light on, damn you!! Come on conformist mind of mine..think outside the box, think, think, think.  There is a way, I just can't find it yet.

It's too much pressure, I'm caving, sticking to the conformist conservative road I'm set on. Stop putting pressure on myself, it's exhausting.  Things will happen in time, but when I wonder?  When, when, when?  How, how, how?









Susie the crazed jack-in-the-box!



I would so love to have met and known this man and so many other great thinkers!
I'm trying Einstein - I really am x

 



Floral fabric play

For a bit of fun the other day I pulled out all my largish scale floral fabric and started laying them out in a totally random way.  I'd like to whip up a quilt from big squares to show off the fabric design.  Here was the first play around.  I've stacked them all back up again in one tall tower and will have some more play time with them soon.  The pinks and oranges and reds are jumping out at me for this quilt - I've already named it..."Spring has Sprung"...even though it might not be finished until next winter, or the one after that.. ... quilts and time frames just don't go together really do they?  :)))

Snippets from my little corner of the world

 

So a little itty bit of sewing has been going on in my little corner.  A few more blocks sewn for my scrappy 9 patch above.

 

A quilt top pinned and ready to be hand quilted...exciting ...it will be my first attempt.  I'm a bit nervous and not sure how to begin, so I'll watch a few online tutorials first I think, but I have cotton, needles and hoop at the ready.

In the space on the mezzanine where I work I have my knick knacks collected during my childhood and my travels.  Each one of them is a very special memory.  Here's foxy.  A little ceramic red fox.  I just love his attitude! He was given to me by one of my English Great Aunts, arriving in an oh-so-exciting-Christmas package one year.  We were so lucky with the generosity of our English rellies.  Packages would arrive via sea mail every year and be placed under the tree tantalising us in the lead up to Christmas.

 

 



 

 

 

And so I digress from my progress report.  Another 2 blocks for my Scrappy Trip Around the World...below.

 

And here's where I sit and hexie away.  Pamela one of my childhood dolls keeps me company in her rocking chair.

 

My next patchwork project :)

I'm putting aside the sewing this weekend for some household patchwork.  A section of a side wall of our house is in desperate need of attention and has been for the 9 years we've been here.  But now we're moving on, this wall has the potential to freak out any buyer! 

Who'd have thought a carpenter/builder lived here? Just testament to the old saying about living with a plumber and always having dripping taps, or a painter an unpainted house or however it goes.  I've lost count of the unfinished bits and pieces around our place.  Funny how there is always time to drink beer and pat the dog and watch hours and hours of Dad's Army dvds.....

Needless to say I'm hitting a very bumpy patch as our relationship ends and the house sold.  As much as I am trying to stay calm and tell myself one day I will wake up and this ugliness will all be behind me and not ahead of me, I have my moments of freaking out, intense sadness, relief, exhaustion, nervous hilarity...so "bear with me'' dear readers and sharers of my little corner of happiness and sunshine that is my blog.  I love coming here and reflecting on snippets of my life.  I love looking at others crafty worlds and sneaking a peek at other creative lives.

thanks for reading xo

Flower Power

So here's a few snaps from a funny old week.  Monday I was up bright and early to take Bridgie to have here wisdom teeth out - all four of them.  Lots of TLC required, including the making of lots of soft food...scrambled eggs, soup in an array of flavours, mornay, frozen yoghurt, drinks, regular icing and medication.  It's now Thursday and one side is giving her much discomfort. We watched a couple of feel good movies together...my all time fave...Mamma Mia.  God I love that film!  It is so much fun.  I love that age is no barrier to aphrodité!

Here's a pic of the patient - post op!  I had to snap a few (to store away for the 21st!)  I am a mean mother, remember?

Last night was a real treat - George is appearing in the play "'Illyria" a Curtin Uni production at Hayman theatre.  It's about war and new beginnings, quite intense and particular scenes incredibly confronting. Very well done.  George is a stand out in the production...of course!  It is absolutely incredible to watch your child perform.  She has such talent and I'm not just saying that :)).  It is so  so much fun to watch her theatre.  The roles she plays are so diverse.  She has great comedic timing too - not that last night was a comedy - her previous role was. Unfortunately, I forgot to take any post show photos (hopeless mother!) - hopefully on Friday night when I hope to see it again, ticket sales permitting - I was busy meeting all her co-performers and chatting about the performance.  The movement in it is very graceful in parts. 

This morning as I left for work I took joy in the wisteria flowering on my front verandah.  It is so true what they say about FLOWER POWER.  It is a great salve.  It is so beautiful.

And across the road is this divine tree, covered in flowers.  The delicate scent is beautiful.  I keep forgetting the name of it.....this time every year it puts on a great show.

 

 

Today I am off the funeral of a friend...2 deaths in 1 week...very sad. Dave was a very funny man, always making those around him laugh.  And so positive.  He was really pissed off he got cancer - he had so much to do with his beautiful Dorothy.  He leaves a great big gaping hole in a lot of people's lives.  What did he say...the glass is half full, and the other half was very nice...thank you!